It occurs to me that I make pretty music.

And often hate myself because of it. Half of the time I spend trying to make music is to come up with something pretty. The other half is spent despising the prettiness of it. Sometimes to the point of trying to make it ugly. I make fun of ugly music a lot. Because I can't really make it I suppose. The Ramones, The Velvet Underground, AC/DC, Nirvana, their music wasn't pretty right? On the other hand Brian Wilson's, Paul McCartney's, The Davies Bros.....their music is. I'm not sure where I fit in there. I guess all in all, all music has all shades. I mean let's face it is there anything more beautiful than "Candy Says?" And Wilson can descend into unlistenable chaos at time. But I always feel like I'm straddling that line. Does it even matter? I don't know but it's something I obsess over to the point of it being unhealthy. Who has it perfect? Who balances all of it...making music that's sometimes so beautiful it's transcendent and sometimes so ugly it's uncomfortable to listen to but at the exact same time? David Bowie for me is the first to come to mind. So am I feeling like a failure and wanting to jump off of bridges because my music isn't as awesome as David Bowie's? WTF?

Speaking of awesome music, my friend Sean has finished his RPM record. It's better than anything I've ever done and in my opinion quite brilliant.
here's his blog
http://leatherbackbulletin.blogspot.com/

and here's a mediafire for anyone interested in listening
http://www.mediafire.com/?dm3gvt2zw4n

So another problem that has me severely down...I think one of the Jagger/Richards team said once about how music is an organic experience. I make these records. I make them myself. And in some weird way I get absolutely nothing out of them. Even when I get fantastic musicians I admire to play on them it's usually all but done and I'm like "here, here's how it goes." There's no interaction with other humans. While I'd like to say it doesn't have an effect on the music...and maybe it doesn't, but I think it does, and more importantly it has an extremely profound effect on the attitude I take towards making music. I think we probably need people to share it with. But maybe it's just me. And maybe after a little sharing I'd get pissy and take my ball and go home anyways.

I'm sick. I'm going to bed. I'm going to try to post a song tomorrow called "Me and the Devil" Yes, obviously lift from Robert Johnson and I'm sure I'll change it. Geez.